It was another busy weekend. I had a somewhat stressful bit earlier last week. Maybe it was the full moon, but I locked the keys in my car for the first time while it was running...parked downtown...with my daughter with me. I'm sure there are people that deal with these types of things very well and without a whimper or a whine. They just deal with it an go. And I like to think that with a lot of things I do try to do just that and not let things get the better of me. But for various stress related reasons the blood pressure was a-rising. My stress level capacity was teetering at full and my cup was starting to spill over. Sometimes I just want to sit down and cry like a little girl who doesn't want to clean her room. But looking back on that day and that situation...I dealt with it well on the outside, it was just the inside that was a wreck. Turns out that I was not the only one having difficulties that morning. My dad's truck wouldn't start, my nephew had the chickenpox, my good friend, Laura was house-sitting for her parents and while they were away a dearly loved cat passed away in the night and she woke to deal with "Fatso's" death. She was forced to put the cat in the deep freeze to keep it preserved until her parents returned home. Oh... the things life throws at us. I think about that Atari video game where you are the little fighter plane that has to blast all the meteors in your path. Meteor Defense And sometimes you can fire off a steady stream keeping your road clear to the next level. You can dodge the big rocks here and there and blow up some pretty big ones too with enough steady firepower. But then you get to that level where you can't keep up. That is how I felt earlier last week. Bombarded by too many small things and I was low on energy to keep the firestream going.
Thankfully I ended the week on a better note. I had Friday night kid free and did good things around the house and gave myself a great manicure. I'm so spoiled and I enjoyed every minute of my alone time that evening.
I attended a wedding on Saturday night and it was a good time. Again, kid free and enjoying every moment. Good company and good conversations. Home by the stroke of midnight. But one thing that hit me like a ton of bricks Sunday morning...I WAS SO LONELY! The hole in my heart felt huge and big and as dark as the raincloud up in the sky. Where were my kids? Where was my husband??? I realized in the overcast gray morning that although I enjoy my time off, my kids make my days go by. They get me up in the morning, they push me through the loneliness, they bring me laughter and smiles everyday. They give me hugs and kisses and loving affection and I can wrap my arms around them, give kisses by the hundreds and feel the satisfaction of physically expressing my love.
At that moment it occurred to me that the bitter and cold truth was that my husband is alone. All of the time. Without the love and affection (giving or receiving) in ways that me and our kids are blessed with. It made me terribly sad and lonely for him. I miss him. I just miss him so much and want to give him the loving family he deserves. I want our kids to know and feel love everyday from their papi (dad) too.
So to wrap up this somewhat gray post, I want to say that I stayed up much too late last night cleaning and organizing because someone is coming to look at the house today! Someone gave a word of mouth plug to a real estate investor and he decided to come take a look at my house. I don't have my hopes up too high, but could you imagine if the house sold that easily?!? Things just never happen in normal fashion in my life so it wouldn't surprise me. But then...they never seem to happen that easily either.
The sun is out today and that makes me feel happy. It's about that time of the summer where you start to think about how the sunny days are numbered so you can't help but enjoy. Stopped at the farmers market on the way in to work and bought some produce for salsa. My neighbors are pawning off all the excess tomatoes hitting their peak so I want to put them to good use. I'm thinking I'm going to make the traditional Honduran "chimol" that I really enjoy on just about everything.
Here's how I make it. I don't bother with measuring...just until it looks or tastes about right.
chopped onions -fine
chopped green peppers -fine
vinegar (start with about a Tbsp and build from there)
salt/pepper to taste
touch of hot sauce or red pepper for heat as desired.
(I don't use heat)