Sunday, June 17, 2007

Saying Goodbye ~ The Final Hours

Okay...I'm kind of weirded out now. I wake up this morning and look around me and think how different my surroundings will be in just a few days. I pay attention to the way the light shines in the morning and the sounds of life in the suburbs of MN. It's so beautiful here. It really is and I'm going to miss it immensely.

I was able to get together with friends and family the past few days. Friday afternoon my parents hosted a "grandparent" lunch since my grandparents on my mom's side couldn't come to the going away picnic. They are getting older now and it's difficult for them to get around. The lunch was really nice except for one disappointment. Sister's Sprouts paternal grandparents were supposed to come to the lunch and just as they were to arrive, Sister runs out to get the mail and there is a card from her grandparents saying they were not going to be able to make the lunch! If the mail hadn't been checked we would have never known they were not going to make it and been waiting and worrying.

It was horrible. Sister started to cry and then I started to cry. She was so excited for them to come and was so concerned with things being just right for them. She had picked out where she wanted them to sit and asked if she would be able to spend some time with them after lunch. She had been counting down the days until they were coming. I was so disappointed for her. What kind of grandparents do that to their own grandchild? What a cop-out to not even have the courtesy to call. It was a rude and inconsiderate thing to do and ultimately was the end of any effort on my part to include them in Sister's life. Now I realize that my hopes for them to accept and love their biological granddaughter were too grand. At least Sister had a chance to meet them as she was not able to meet her father. They seemed like nice people, but it's obvious now that inconsiderate, selfish behavior must run in the family. I know I am not sounding very nice, but this really upset me.
Maybe they will even read this since I've sent out the blog website to them before. I guess it's just the truth and I won't risk hurting my daughter again on them. that negative note. After our lunch I prepared a "goodbye" and "thank you" dinner for my girlfriends. It was wonderful! I had such a good time preparing a meal for them and hopefully they liked it. We ate and hung out for many hours just talking and laughing and crying late into the night. By the time I had to say goodbye to the last guest I was completely exhausted but happy the night went so well.

Tonight I went out to dinner with my two sisters. Again, such an awesome time. I am enjoying taking the time for family and time for myself and really paying attention to things here and swallowing as much joy and beauty as I can these next few days. Honduras will be beautiful don't get me wrong. But MN is home.

After dinner we had time to just sit and enjoy conversation. When we do get together there are usually kids with enough distraction that our conversations are cut off and we have to ask for reminding of where we left off. Tonight there were no distractions and I enjoyed sharing a meal with them like real grown woman.

Sisters dinner at Buca's
I love you girls!!

I decided that I don't want to be sad. I'll try hard, but I know it will be weird saying goodbye to my sister's tomorrow night. With technology we really aren't that far away. I'm sure there will be tears as they seem to come even just writing about it...but it will be okay. It really will, I know. It's just hard to say this first "goodbye".


Patty said...

Good luck and God Bless. I hope we will join you soon.


Ranty said...

I hope you come back to this blog to update us on how you're doing!!!

I'm thinking about ya...